Sara's List
by normalcyphobic
Summary: Post Living Doll fic.  Sara thinks that she could have died, but that there are so many things she wants to do before she dies.


Title: Sara Sidle's List

Rating: Soft T, maybe, for mention of sex

Summary: Post Living Doll fic. Sara thinks that she could have died, but that there are so many things she wants to do before she dies.

Spoilers: end of season 7, mostly Living Doll

AN: I was bored and am going crazy without CSI, and without GSR, so I wrote this to pass the time, but mostly to have some form of CSI and GSR. I had the idea when I was creating myown list, after a moment of inspiration. So Sara's list in very similar to my own. I just added a few things and removed others that didn't fit. Also, in my mind, Sara simply cannot die, just because. I'm just exiting my denial that she is in mortal peril. Anyway, enjoy. As for the reviews, always!

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Sara Sidle's List

Sara feels like she's been at the hospital forever. And like she still has to stay forever.

Oh, she'll be fine. But she can't go home just yet. Her injuries were fortunately not fatal, though they could have been, had she been found just a bit later. And complications can still ensue.

So she is half lying, half sitting in her hospital bed, beyond bored, trying to take interest in the television program that seemed to be the less boring to her.

She misses Gil's presence. Only a few days ago has he left her side to go back to work. It took a lot of persuading, but she eventually got him to go back to the lab, assuring him she'd be fine. As much as she liked having him to talk to and to make her laugh during this infernally weary sojourn, she realized it wasn't fair to him to keep him from his normal life for longer than necessary. She'll follow as soon as she can get out of this place. Well, as soon as she can move freely without too much risk. Which will probably be a while even after she finally gets to go home.

She can't wait to go home. To be in her own bed. To see their dog, Maggot. She misses him, and knows from Gil he misses her as well. Apparently, he's been checking her side of their bed regularly to see if she's there, only to come back to the kitchen or living room with a pathetic expression.

She can't wait to be in her own clothes. And to take a long shower. Or bath. To feel clean again. And she can't wait to go back to work. Her coworkers and friends have been by to see her regularly as well, to make her smile and to ask her innumerable questions about her and their boss, but it's not the same. She misses the environment of the lab and the rushing to solve crimes. She just wants her normal life back. Here, in this section of the hospital, nothing much happens. And everything is white. She's getting really sick of all this blanchour. And of the smell of bleach. This last thought sends her into a frenzy of thoughts of a more sombre nature.

She could have died. She came very close to death, actually. Had it not been for the amazing skills and determination of her coworkers, she would not even be in this hospital at this moment. Her body, if found at all, would be a few feet underground. And all this because some lunatic couldn't stand the sight of bleach. Had she not nearly died, she might've pitied the girl though. It takes some serious fucking up to turn out that way. Still, she thinks of her own background. It was perhaps even more messed up and you don't see her killing people. Or sticking them under cars.

She's alive. But she's lucky to be. This experience has shown her that life can be cut very short. And she's not ready to die just yet. There are so many things she wants to do. Things she always puts off for later, when she has time to cram it between work and housework and the few intimate moments she can have with her lover. But now, she realizes there might not be a later to do these things. She has thought a lot about that during the long hours she was pinned under the mustang.

Seeing a young nurse walk by her door unhurriedly, she calls to her.

"Do you think you could bring me a few sheets of paper?"

The nurse smiles at her. A few moments later, she comes back with the asked for paper and a pen. "Finished those books and magazines?" she asks good-humouredly, handing them to her before turning around to check her monitors and IV. "Thanks. Yeah. I finished those yesterday." "I'll be back later to check up on you again." She laughs gently at the slight annoyance on Sara's face a being 'checked on' every now and then, before leaving her.

Alone with the pen and paper, and her thoughts, Sara begins to write.

_My List_

_Following is a list of things I really want to have accomplished in life and things I just want to do, in the near or distant future, at least before I die._

_- read more of Shakespeare's plays and sonnets_

_- read more of Poe's works_

_- learn all the constellations and study some astronomical phenomenons_

_- learn more about Egyptian mummies and tombs_

_- see a Shakespeare play_

_- visit the World's biggest science museum_

_- ride a Ferris wheel_

_- ride a roller coaster_

She pauses and marvels that she's never done these last two

_- get another tattoo _

She's thinking a butterfly, maybe with a few inspiring words.

_- swim one more time_

Something she hasn't done in such a long time. She's thinking a long swim in vastly open waters.

_- go camping_

No hunting, or fishing, or destroying nature in any way; just being within it harmoniously.

_- go to the mountains one last time_

_- grow yellow and white daisies_

She looks at the huge bouquet her friends and her lover brought her a few days ago and smiles. Those have always been her favourite flowers.

_- drive one more time_

She just wants to go for a long drive, not to anywhere really, just to enjoy the freedom one last time. Kind of like she wants to enjoy the freedom and weightlessness that come with swimming one last time.

_- go to a music festival_

_- watch a Disney movie marathon_

She chuckles slightly at this one, but is aware that this really is something she wants to do.

_- spend an entire day with friends, laughing and relaxing, forgetting about anything else_

_- make a child laugh one more time _

How she longs to hear that sweet, innocent sound one more time. And know she provoked it.

_- hold a baby one more time _

She wants so bad to feel the weight of an infant in her arms, and inhale the sweet scent of a clean and freshly powdered baby. Two miracles she would not have thought to want to experience again, before her experience.

_- write more_

Poetry, journals, whatever. Just take the time to write.About her experiences, her feelings, her fantasies...

_- have a piece published_

_- teach a group of people about a subject of great importance or passion_

_- have one more slow dance with my special one_

_- reach out to someone who is rejected and alone, someone who has noone else_

_- Make love with Gil one final time. Experience reckless lust and wild abandon_ _again._

Making love with Gil. Another thing she deeply misses.She longs to get out of here and get well enough to be intimate with him again.

She pauses to think for a moment. Unable to think of anything more, she puts her list aside. She'll add more later if she thinks about anything else, which she probably will, she knows. Another piece of literature she wants to read. Or another place she wants to visit. Feeling a bit fatigued, she rolls onto her side and allows herself to give in to sleep for a while.

This is how Gil finds her, a couple of hours later, when he comes by to see her after shift. She looks so perfect. So relaxed. He can't bring himself to wake her. So he just watches her sleep. He, too, has realized the value of life through this horrific experience.

Noticing apiece of paper on the edge of the bedside table, threatening to fall off, he reaches to reposition it when the bolder lettering of the title catches his attention. He reads the first few lines and can't help reading the rest.

Finishing, he smiles and vows to help her accomplish all that in the very near future.

_A few weeks later._

He looks up from the television when she walks into the living room, tousle haired.

"Good morning." She walks to him and kisses him in response, before joining him on the couch. "What are you watching?" "I haven't found a program yet. And how are you feeling this morning." "Getting better every day." An announcement on their local channel catches both their attention. "What do you think?" he asks her, studying her profile, when the commercial finishes. "Do you want to go see it?" "Macbeth. That's always been one of my favourite. And I hear that group of actors is great. It's too great an opportunity to miss." She gives him her best smile when he looks at her.


End file.
